Eww, I Just Admitted on Our Podcast That I Assumed Men Would Support Me Financially

Eww. I just admitted on our podcast that I always assumed men would support me financially.

It came out of my mouth impulsively as I listened to my cohost and best friend, Angelica, and our guest, Annie King, Senior Financial Solutions Specialist at Sausville Benson, talk about our beliefs about money—and where they come from. I surprised Angelica. I surprised myself.

I’ve always identified as an independent, self-sufficient woman—and I am. But I wasn’t always this way. I became this way out of survival.

So hearing that belief leave my mouth in real time was jarring.

Any time financial conversations come up, I naturally shut down. First, because most of my adult life I’ve struggled financially—mostly living paycheck to paycheck (yes, like most Americans). And second, because I genuinely believe I meet criteria for dyscalculia—the learning disability that makes it hard to understand numbers, learn math facts, perform calculations, and grasp mathematical concepts.

No, I’ve never been formally diagnosed. But my brain shuts down around numbers. It’s why I’ll never play blackjack in a casino—the pressure of doing quick math gives me immense anxiety. I cheated on a math test in undergrad. I barely made it through statistics with a C. And statistics in grad school? A complete joke. Our professor talked about politics the entire semester and gave everyone an A- just for showing up.

Needless to say, I’ve always felt financially illiterate.

I somehow got by using calculators, asking questions, and quietly relying on others—asking HR to help me with tax documents at my first few jobs—but I never made enough money to put anything aside. Retirement accounts? Savings? What are those?

I don’t remember having any real guidance in this area. The closest thing I had was watching my sister navigate her corporate job—making double what I was. Honestly, I think my therapist (yes, my therapist—for mental health) was the first person who ever suggested I start putting $20 aside each week to build a savings. Before that, I was just getting by, day to day.

And survival had always been the priority.

I had been on my own since I was 19, when my mother sold our home and moved to another country. Sure, I could rely on my father in an emergency—but that support came with a weight. A reminder. A subtle message about irresponsibility. No thank you.

So I hustled with the skills I had—serving at restaurants while using my graduate degree to build something more stable.

But here’s the question I keep coming back to: Why wasn’t I worried about retirement? Savings? Emergencies?

I don’t think those thoughts ever really crossed my mind. And if they did, they disappeared quickly. I believe that because of my dysfunctional family and having to grow up faster than I wanted to, survival mode took over. Work today. Pay the bills. Repeat.

I didn’t have the luxury of long-term thinking. There were no conscious thoughts about the future—marriage, children, relocating, building a different life. I’ve never lived outside of New York.

I remember being in my early 30s and having a random thought: Huh… do I need life insurance?

Despite not talking to my father often, of course that’s who I called. Because when it comes to money, that’s what you do—right? You call your dad. The authority. The financial gatekeeper.

He answered my question, but looking back, what stands out isn’t the advice—it’s the reflex. Even as an adult woman, living independently, my instinct was still to defer. That moment says more about the system I grew up in than it does about me.

✍️ Journal Prompt (Pause Here):

When you think about money, what part of your life were you in when those beliefs first formed? Were you surviving, depending, avoiding, or assuming someone else would eventually handle it?

Write without judgment. Awareness comes before change.

I remember asking my father once, “You always hear about people moving to different states or even countries. What’s the catalyst for that? How do you decide where you want to live?”

He answered immediately: “Usually it’s when a husband or father’s job relocates, and the family moves.”

“Oh,” I replied.

Of course that made sense. That was the model I knew. My father was the breadwinner. He handled the finances. He dictated our family’s trajectory.

After my parents divorced, I remember feeling deeply sorry for my mother. She had three children, no education, no job skills, and struggled to make ends meet. That thought stayed with me.

I remember thinking: "I will never become that woman. I will never depend on a man financially". Add drug and alcohol addiction to the list too. "I will never be dependent on anyone or anything."

And yet—why wasn’t I worried about my financial future?

Looking back, I think part of me unconsciously believed the patriarchal system would eventually serve me too. That I’d meet a man with a corporate job, who made more than me (because most of them do), who came with a retirement plan… and maybe health insurance while we’re at it.

I don’t know. I’m thinking as I write.

I didn’t find real love until I was nearly 40. Somewhere along the way, I accepted that marriage might not happen for me—and that’s when things shifted. By then, I was financially independent. I was running my private practice, expanding my business, and owning my home. I was finally making enough money to sit down with a financial advisor and set up a retirement plan for myself.

I’m grateful I built all of this for myself. And yes, I did eventually find love. It’s even sweeter knowing I don’t need him financially—though of course, being in a two-income household doesn’t hurt.

Love and respect keep us together. Not survival.

But I think about the women who blindly followed the patriarchal path—becoming wives and mothers without ever being allowed to build a foundation as independent women. I think about my mother, and the women in her generation, who weren’t even allowed to open bank accounts. My mother had her first child before women could get a credit card without their husband’s permission.

Many of those women stayed in relationships out of survival. Some were abused. Many were stuck.

My goal isn’t to shame anyone. I’m not opposed to marriage or motherhood. I say all of this to highlight that these systems have been in place for so long, it’s only natural many of us internalized them.

But we don’t have to anymore.

In the U.S., women now hold primary financial responsibility in more than half of households, including over 15 million homes led by women without a spouse.

The reality has already shifted. Our beliefs are just catching up.

Financial independence doesn’t mean rejecting love, partnership, or support. It means choosing them—without survival attached.

In 2026, we’re getting our minds right and our money right. Not perfectly. Not all at once. But consciously.

Because awareness is the beginning of choice. And choice is the beginning of freedom.

🎧 Listen to the full podcast episode: Money, Mind, and the Power We’ve Been Taught to Avoid on Cracked Up

In this episode, we unpack how survival, family systems, and inherited beliefs shape women’s relationship with money — and what it looks like to move forward with clarity instead of shame.

🎁 Special gift for readers and listeners: Our guest Annie King, Senior Financial Solutions Specialist at Sausville Benson Financial, is offering a FREE consultation for women who want support navigating money with confidence — no pressure, no judgment.

🔗 Listen to the episode here

🔗 Book your free consultation with Annie → Here!