Embarrassed by Your Boyfriend… But It’s Complicated: Why Smart Women Stay & What Happens When They Finally Stop Settling
Dec 4
3 min read
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If you’ve ever hidden your relationship from friends, defended a man you knew deep down wasn’t good for you, or felt a wave of shame when someone asked, “Wait… this is who you’re dating?” — you’re not alone. In this week’s podcast episode, Embarrassed by Your Boyfriend, But It’s Complicated, Angelica and I dive into why so many women (including us!) stay in relationships they know they’ve outgrown… and what shifts when self-worth finally takes the wheel.
This isn’t just a “bad boyfriend” story. It’s a story about identity, attachment, trauma, and the self-worth we’re still learning to honor.
Why We Stayed (Even When We Knew Better)
Let’s name it: You don’t stay because you want to be embarrassed. You stay because:
You’re in a trauma bond that feels like chemistry
You confuse excitement with emotional danger
Their validation feels like oxygen when you’re running on empty
You can’t yet imagine a future where you deserve more
You’re afraid of being alone, starting over, or hearing “I told you so”
When you grow up believing you have to earn love, being mistreated doesn’t always register as a dealbreaker — it registers as familiar. And familiar is powerful.
The Moment You Start Raising the Bar
Developing real self-worth isn’t glamorous in the beginning. It’s not all butterfly poses, soft-girl vibes, and aesthetic situationships. It looks like:
Feeling uncomfortable because you’re no longer settling
Losing interest in men who once felt like “your type”
Calling yourself out when you’re romanticizing a red flag
Letting people be disappointed in your choices instead of abandoning yourself
Choosing emotional safety over chaos (even when chaos was addictive)
Healing is messy before it’s peaceful — and sometimes the “glow-up” is just learning how to walk away from things you once begged for.
The Cringe Era: What Happens When You Look Back
Oof. This part stings a little, doesn’t it?
When you finally see your old patterns clearly, you can’t unsee them. You look back at:
The texts you sent
The excuses you made
The emotional scraps you tolerated
The way you abandoned yourself
The way you fought for someone who didn’t fight for you
And you think, “Who was that version of me?”
But here’s the truth: She wasn’t weak — she was unhealed.She was operating from fear, longing, wounds, and hope. And she deserves compassion, not shame.
What Life Looks Like After You Stop Settling
This is the part we want more women to know is possible.
When your standards rise, your entire life follows:
You attract partners who treat you with consistency
You stop negotiating with bare minimum men
You trust your intuition instead of gaslighting yourself
You date from a place of clarity instead of craving
You feel grounded, confident, and harder to shake
And the best part?You finally get to experience a version of love you once thought was “too much to ask for.”
If This Episode Hit a Nerve… You’re Not Broken — You’re Becoming
This isn’t about judging past relationships. It’s about recognizing growth. If you’ve ever stayed in something you knew wasn’t right for you, that means you’re human — and capable of deep transformation.
You don’t have to keep repeating the same story. Raising your self-worth raises your relationships. Period.
✨ Listen to the Full Episode
🎧 Embarrassed by Your Boyfriend, But It’s Complicated Spotify link: https://open.spotify.com/show/2k9FMiC40Kvcr7nIvhbbhx?si=109074269fc94dac
Want Support Breaking These Patterns for Good?
If this episode made you think, “Okay… I’m ready to stop settling,” you’ll love my upcoming program No More Settling: A Program for Finding Healthy Love. It’s built for women who are done repeating the same painful relationships and are ready for secure, grounded, healthy love.
Sign up for newsletter and get your FREE 7 day Self-Worth Reset Workbook: https://empowered-minds-mental-health-counseling-pllc.kit.com/c3a97ce33c
