Before the New Year Begins: You Don’t Need to Fix Yourself to Be Worthy

As 2025 comes to an end, I’ve been reflecting on my life—the way I imagine many of us do around this time of year. We think about our wins, our losses, what we’ve learned, and what we’d like to work on in the year ahead.

I’m a big advocate of setting New Year’s resolutions and goals. Why we wait until January 1st every year to do this is beyond me—but hey, we’ve got to start somewhere.

What I’ve noticed, though, is that so many resolutions are built around an almost fantasy version of ourselves. The idea that once we achieve certain goals, we’ll finally be better people—or worse, more worthy people.

This is where I think we get tripped up.

So let me remind you of something important:You are already worthy—and worthy of love—regardless of your New Year’s resolutions.

I absolutely believe in setting goals. I believe we can feel pride and fulfillment in working toward things that matter to us. But I also believe this deeply: whether you change a lot about yourself this year or change nothing at all, your worth does not move.

Before setting new goals, it’s worth pausing to reflect on the year we’re leaving behind.

Some of you who’ve followed my story know that I’m still in what I consider a new relationship. We’ll be coming up on two years in February 2026—but after being single for so long, it still feels new to me.

For most of my life, I chased love as if it were always running away from me. It felt like something other women were deserving of—but not me. I seemed to attract emotionally unavailable men who couldn’t commit or meet even half of my needs. I spent countless nights crying after relationships ended, reinforcing a belief I carried for years: that I wasn’t worthy of love.

But that was never true.

What I didn’t realize at the time was how attached I had become to that belief—and how I was unknowingly creating a self-fulfilling prophecy by continuing to allow emotionally unavailable men to stay in my life, even after I saw their true colors.

It took me 39 years to find an emotionally mature, available, and genuinely good partner. I never truly believed it would happen—even when a psychic once told me she saw a man coming into my life who would treat me like a queen.

And then… he did.

Of course, he’s not perfect—and neither am I. But we’re committed to working through challenges with respect, accountability, and care.

Here’s the most important part of what I’ve learned: My partner didn’t solve my problems.

He wasn’t the missing piece. He didn’t complete me. I’ve actually always hated that famous line from Jerry Maguire—“You complete me.” I think it’s misleading. We need to be whole on our own before entering a partnership. It should never be another person’s responsibility to fulfill your life. And realistically—what happens if they leave, or get sick, or die someday?

The way romantic relationships are sold to us in movies isn’t reality.

I’m still me. I still have the same quirks, insecurities, and flaws I’ve always had. My partner is very good at loving me unconditionally—but you know who still struggles with that?

Me.

Even with the partner I always dreamed of, I still have moments where I question my worth. For example, I can easily slip into workaholic mode—a productivity addict, really. Ironically, this is something I work on with my patients all the time. I still struggle with believing I’m good enough even when I’m not producing or achieving. Yes—even with a loving partner.

And that’s my point.

No person or thing—a spouse, a fancy car, a house, a job title, or money—is going to give you worth. You are worthy with or without those things.

So before you set goals for the new year, I invite you to be mindful of where they’re coming from. Goals like losing weight, buying a house, or saving money aren’t bad—but they shouldn’t be tied to your value as a human being.

Know your worth before you arrive there.

You might choose goals that turn inward instead:

• Love myself more gently

• Accept my flaws with compassion

• Practice gratitude daily

• Say one kind thing to myself in the mirror each morning

  
  

Whatever you decide to work toward in 2026, please know this: Whether you fully achieve those goals or not, you are worthy of love—exactly as you are.