
The War on Therapy: The Dangerous Narrative of Masculinity, Mental Health, and Why Wokeness Is Key to Our Survival
Jan 30
10 min read
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I came across a post recently that left me feeling a mix of frustration and disbelief. My stomach knotted up. I felt personally attacked as a therapist, but also deeply degraded as a professional. It almost shamed me for charging for services that can bring healing—not just to individuals, but to families and society as a whole. Let’s be real here also, therapists are underpaid. And while I’m not trying to pat myself on the back here, let’s remember that therapists—myself included—earn our credentials through years of schooling, research, writing theses, and passing rigorous licensing exams. We don’t stop there; we also take the time to heal our own wounds so we can show up for our clients objectively and without projecting our own stuff. Not to mention, we’re required to complete 36 hours of continuing education every three years to stay informed on emerging trends in mental health and the latest advancements in research. Research done by scientists, not social media trends.
But enough about my emotional reaction. Let’s dive into the real conversation here: Therapy and mental health.
There are so many modalities of therapy, each with unique methods and goals. But the central objective is clear—therapy is about helping people. That "help" could mean healing from trauma, learning how to show up in relationships, or managing emotions like anger. It can guide people in processing breakups or adjusting to life-changing events. Therapy is often a resource for those battling addiction, or even individuals court-mandated to address harmful behaviors. Many seek therapy simply to build self-esteem or work on self-improvement. Corny I know right? Why would people want to be the best versions of themselves? And let’s not forget that some people come because a partner or family member urged them to—it’s a space to explore interpersonal skills and recognize when behaviors hurt those we care about.
The point is, therapy helps with a huge range of things or as we call them in the clinical world, "presenting problems." Notwithstanding the diagnosis required for insurance reimbursement in the US, people do not need to have anything “wrong” with them to seek therapy. Vulnerability isn’t a weakness, and seeking help shouldn’t come with shame. It takes bravery to walk into a therapist’s office. What people often don’t realize is that therapy is a space where human compassion and connection take center stage, offering healing in its most genuine form.
This post—written by a comedian, no less—shares some insight into the toxic masculinity and ignorant rhetoric surrounding mental health in this country. While the comedian suggests he is not “anti-therapy” I am discouraged from believing this once I finish reading his comment. But let’s break it down.
“Not everyone needs a therapist. They need a pair of running shoes, or an inspirational book, or a bible, a hero or a friend”.
I get it. Exercise, self-care, and a solid support network are all incredibly important for mental wellness. But to suggest these things can replace therapy is to overlook the reality that certain psychological struggles can’t simply be "sweated out" or "read away." Many people turn to these external solutions to avoid confronting deeper emotional wounds—often wounds that need the professional guidance therapy provides.
And I hear what Jeff is saying by “not everyone needs a therapist” but I argue the exact person he is referring to (maybe himself) may in fact be avoiding psychological ailments that could be worked on in therapy by utilizing these other coping skills that are simply deemed “manlier” than the negative association of “crying on someone’s couch”. (another narrative I’ve heard about therapy). There are also many people who run marathons, eat healthy, hang out with friends; all the while avoiding a specific wound. Therapy isn’t about turning people into victims or blaming society; it’s about providing a compassionate space for people to take accountability and heal.
The real kicker in this comedian’s statement was this line:, “not some person charging them $200 a visit to teach them big words to blame everyone else and society and not take accountability”. – My initial thought about this was; this right here is the perfect example of the projective thoughts of someone who was most likely on the receiving end of an individual who reaped the benefits of therapy, confronted them with the language they learned and subsequently set some boundaries.
To clarify, “projection” is a clinical term that describes a psychological defense mechanism whereby an individual, unable to tolerate their own emotions, unconsciously attributes them to others. This often manifests in situations like this: I feel anxiety, so I project that discomfort onto someone else, labeling them as "crazy" or "unstable." In this case, the individual, feeling unsettled by someone else's boundary-setting, avoids owning their own discomfort and instead projects it onto the realm of therapy, dismissing it as "nonsense." Convenient, isn’t it?
I later came across a clip of Jeff's standup in which he mentions that he has indeed been to therapy, but his therapist focused more on blaming people in his life rather than addressing his own maladaptive behaviors. This could very well have been his experience, and perhaps his therapist was not a good fit, or there was a misalignment in their approach. This highlights the importance of finding the right therapist for you. But in any case, Jeff didn’t resonate with the therapeutic process, and in response, felt compelled to discredit it. This is a common reaction when something doesn’t align with us personally. For instance, I could easily dismiss the Keto Diet because it didn’t work for me, but that doesn’t mean it’s ineffective for everyone.
Another element that stands out to me, whether in Jeff’s case or for anyone who dismisses the value of therapy, is the resistance that often arises when we are confronted with emotional discomfort. Psychotherapy demands vulnerability—the willingness to truly feel our emotions. And unless we’re ready to engage with those feelings, it’s all too easy to find any excuse to reject the process, including claiming therapy isn’t for us.
My major concern with Jeff’s message is that it reinforces the rhetoric surrounding the healing that occurs in therapy and the way people show up in the world, which lies at the core of the 'wokeness' misconception. I mean how dare someone pay a therapist to sit with them for an hour, listen with compassion, and help them unpack their pain? The goal isn’t to blame others; it’s to explore the origins of that pain and empower you to heal. Because the truth is, unless we address our wounds, they’ll keep affecting us and those around us.
In my practice, I make it clear to my patients that the goal is never to place blame on others. I often emphasize this when I encounter resistance, particularly when patients are reluctant to discuss their parents, childhood, or upbringing. Another form of resistance arises when we work to uncover past traumas or events that may have shaped their psychological development. The key point is this: acknowledging how someone’s actions may have impacted us is not the same as blaming them. Part of the healing process involves confronting uncomfortable truths—that our parents, caregivers, and others who shaped us are imperfect too. For example, I can recognize the impact my parents' divorce and destructive addictions had on me, without labeling them as "bad people”.
But let me make this crystal clear: Therapy is about accountability. It’s about sitting with yourself and facing all of the parts of you—the good, the bad, the ugly—and taking responsibility for who you are and how you show up in the world. Accountability is about being honest and transparent with yourself. It’s about owning your behavior and understanding how your actions affect others. So, when you show up to therapy, you’re actively engaging in the process of accountability—looking inward and taking responsibility for your emotional, mental, and behavioral health. Therapy is the exact opposite of avoiding accountability and its probably the bravest thing one can do.

The more I researched, the more I realized this comedian Jeff’s page, and most likely his authentic views are entrenched in a particular brand of right-wing, toxic masculinity, bold, yet ignorant statements about gender differences, “liberal wokeness” and what mental health really means. All the while mansplaining from the qualifications of a comedian… A good-looking white male comedian with 600k followers. Similar to Joe Rogan, a man speaking from a position of privilege—using his platform to mislead a generation of young men, many of whom are vulnerable to the confident yet misguided rhetoric of male podcasters who mistake opinion for fact. Their words may be bold, and sometimes even funny, but they miss the mark on factual accuracy and what’s truly beneficial for mental health.
But my message here isn’t one of attack. I’ve learned through my own therapy to take a step back, reflect on my emotional responses, and then process them before reacting. So let me say this directly to Jeff and his followers that feel “wokeness” (meaning emotional intelligence), or going to therapy is a sign of weakness, what you're really saying is that you’re afraid. You’re afraid of facing yourself, afraid of what you might uncover, and unable to deal with those emotions. So instead, you hide behind superficial displays of strength and bro culture that tell you to avoid vulnerability at all costs.
What these men fail to realize is that their rejection of emotional intelligence is exactly what keeps them trapped. Trapped in a cycle where they can’t process their feelings, connect deeply with others, or form healthy, intimate relationships. And that, my friends, is where the real harm begins. The truth is, the bravest people I know—regardless of gender—are those who actively engage in self-reflection and self-improvement. Many of my male patients are living proof of this, as they bravely confront their emotional wounds and actively work toward becoming better people.
The people who don’t go to therapy are often the ones who end up hurting others or numbing through use of drugs, alcohol and sex. And we don’t have to look far to see that men are responsible for the majority of violence in our society. We’ve conditioned men to believe that acknowledging their emotions is a weakness, and the consequences of that conditioning are glaringly clear. Men who suppress their emotions tend to struggle with self-regulation, and when we can't manage our emotions, they spill over into harmful behaviors.
The phrase “hurt people hurt people” captures this sentiment perfectly. Many of us carry wounds, but with self-awareness, we’re able to prevent those hurts from being projected onto others
Let me be clear: Emotional intelligence is not a weakness—it’s a strength. And in fact, the stereotype that women are "more emotional" is outdated and harmful. It’s not a weakness; it’s an asset. Women have historically been allowed to express their emotions, which is why women tend to be more emotionally intelligent in general. But we all have the capacity for deep emotion, regardless of gender.
Furthermore, the term “woke” comes from African American Vernacular English. It originally meant being "awake" or "alert" to social and political injustices, especially around issues of race. The term gained more prominence during the Civil Rights Movement, when it was used to describe a heightened awareness of racism and social inequities. "Woke" saw a resurgence in the 2010s, especially through social media, where it became more widely used to describe someone who is conscious and aware of social issues like racial inequality, gender equality, LGBTQ+ rights, and more. It has a positive connotation—signifying someone who was socially aware and engaged in progressive causes, however the right-wing media, began to use "woke" pejoratively to describe people who were seen as overly politically correct or performative in their activism. Also known as propaganda...
We need to stop pretending that emotional health isn't a survival skill. Evolutionary biology and psychology tell us that empathy and compassion are not just nice-to-haves—they’re critical for our survival. Humans, both male and female, have evolved to form deep social bonds and cooperate for survival. The notion that emotional intelligence is somehow "weak" is doing more harm than good. While right-wing rhetoric may push for pro-life stances and increased reproduction, we must equally advocate for a bold, unapologetic approach to mental health—especially when it comes to men seeking therapy. The survival of our species depends on our ability to connect through empathy and compassion. Research in attachment theory, along with studies of both chimpanzees and humans, shows that these emotional bonds are not just important—they're an evolutionary advantage for our survival.
For humans, examples of evolutionary strengths or advantages include things like:
Big brains: Larger brains relative to body size helped us develop complex social structures, problem-solving abilities, and communication skills.
Social cooperation: Our ability to work together in groups, share resources, and support each other has been crucial for survival.
Language: The development of language allowed for more effective communication, enhancing cooperation, teaching, and the ability to plan.
The policies from the Republican party are creating a paradox: promoting population growth “Pro-life” while simultaneously undermining social and emotional learning. They're eradicating essential elements of social cooperation, shared resources, and community services—actions that are fundamental to a healthy, functioning society. Yet, these crucial needs are being framed as “socialism. “and “a waste of tax payers money”. While a completely equitable distribution of wealth may not be realistic, ensuring that everyone has access to basic needs like healthcare, education, and housing shouldn’t be a controversial idea. I don’t know, maybe I’m just to radical! This isn’t just a matter of ideology—it’s grounded in the research of evolutionary psychology, sociology, and psychology.
I know I’m stepping outside my usual scope of practice here, but I feel compelled to speak up. With the current administration's direction, I worry that the mental health field could be next on the chopping block. This movement is dangerous, and it’s not just about politics—it’s about the well-being of our society as a whole.
So, to all the men out there who have been taught to fear therapy or believe that emotional awareness is a sign of weakness: You are loved. You are human. You are allowed to feel. You are worthy of compassion, both from others and from yourself. It's time to let go of the "tough guy" exterior, and yes—maybe you don’t need to cry on our couch. But you can talk, joke, laugh, and hopefully, learn. We all need to work together as humans. We need more compassion, more connection, and more love. Because that’s how we survive this thing called life.