How to Avoid Family Arguments This Holiday Season: Expert Tips from a Therapist

The holiday season is meant to be a time of togetherness, joy, and gratitude, but for many families, it can also become a battleground for heated arguments—especially when controversial topics like politics, societal issues, and differing worldviews are brought up at the dinner table. With the upcoming Thanksgiving holiday and the months ahead, many families are bracing for tense conversations that could sour the mood and strain relationships. After a year of polarized elections, global upheavals, and cultural debates, the potential for arguments is higher than ever.

So, how can we avoid family arguements this holiday season?

1. Set Clear Expectations Before the Gathering

Why it works: Setting boundaries ahead of time creates a sense of mutual respect and understanding.

I recommend having a pre-holiday conversation with family members about what topics are off-limits or what behaviors are unacceptable. This doesn't have to be a formal discussion, but it’s a great idea to set expectations for respectful behavior. If you know that certain family members are prone to stirring up conflict around political or controversial topics, gently suggest keeping those conversations out of the holiday festivities.

2. Agree to Disagree (and Practice Active Listening)

Why it works: Creating space for differing opinions without judgment fosters respect.

If controversial topics inevitably come up (as they often do), experts suggest adopting the “agree to disagree” approach. This means acknowledging differing viewpoints without trying to change the other person’s mind or escalate the conversation into an argument. Active listening is key here—make sure each person feels heard and validated, even if you don't agree with them.

3. Shift the Focus to Shared Interests

Why it works: Focusing on shared experiences and common interests helps strengthen family bonds.

If the conversation starts veering into uncomfortable or controversial territory, steer it back to neutral topics that everyone can engage with. Family traditions, shared memories, and lighthearted topics like favorite holiday recipes, upcoming vacations, or even fun trivia can keep the mood positive.

4. Avoid "Banning" Certain Topics Entirely—But Set Boundaries Around How They Are Discussed

Why it works: A hard ban on certain topics may backfire and make them more enticing, but setting limits on how they are discussed fosters respect.

It might be tempting to completely ban certain topics like politics from the dinner table, but doing so could inadvertently create more tension. Instead of outright banning sensitive subjects, therapists suggest setting ground rules for how discussions should be handled if they arise.

5. Consider Seating Arrangements and Group Dynamics

Why it works: The physical environment and group composition can have a significant impact on the tone of conversation.

I recommend being mindful of how you arrange seating at the table. If you know that two relatives frequently clash, seat them farther apart to prevent direct confrontation. Sometimes, just the proximity of certain individuals can spark friction, so adjusting the seating can help minimize conflict.

Additionally, be conscious of the emotional temperature of the group. If someone is already upset about something outside of the family gathering, it might be best to acknowledge their feelings privately before the event, so they don’t bring additional stress to the table.

6. Take Breaks When Needed

Why it works: Giving people a moment to cool down can prevent arguments from escalating.

Family gatherings often have intense moments, and sometimes it’s best to take a step back before things get too heated. If a conversation is spiraling into a disagreement, it’s okay to suggest a brief break or change of scenery. Whether it’s taking a walk, stepping into the kitchen to prep more food, or even giving people space to collect themselves in another room, short breaks can defuse tensions and allow everyone to come back to the conversation with a clearer head.

7. Know When to Walk Away

Why it works: Knowing when to disengage is crucial to avoiding unnecessary conflict.

Despite our best efforts, some conversations may be impossible to steer in a peaceful direction.If an argument is escalating or someone becomes disrespectful, it’s okay to step away from the discussion altogether.

Focus on Connection, Not Conflict

The holidays are an opportunity to reconnect with loved ones, celebrate shared traditions, and enjoy each other’s company. While disagreements are a natural part of any family dynamic, experts suggest that with a little preparation, communication, and a focus on shared values, it’s possible to avoid major conflicts and foster a warm, supportive atmosphere.

By setting boundaries, practicing active listening, and focusing on positivity, you can help ensure that your holiday gatherings remain festive and joyful—without the tension and drama.